I have an MA in history. I love heavy, underground metal, pretty things, crafts, beer, travelling and adventures. I try to have a good time.
Me: YES. Time to work on thesis! No bullshit, just motor through it! Get in the groove! Write write write!
Brain: Don't you just need to know what's going on on facebook? You have to pee. You're hungry. FACEBOOK. Your outline is turrible. You REALLY want to go for a run. You have cravings for fast food. You really want a crepe. FACEBOOK. Oh look the MDF announcement. Ugh, the kitchen is dirty and there's a party tomorrow you should really clean up in here. Speaking of cleaning, there's laundry to do. Facebook? You know who you haven't talked to in a while- mom. Call mom. Don't you want to cook a fancy dinner tonight? What fucked up shit did the Republicans say today, news website? Man, fuck them. facebook. I really want to start another blog or four. When do I get free time? Ok, now time to write.
Fingers: Fuck you.
…and racism, because hi, it’s me.
UF campus is really pretty and HUGE. The parking is the worst shit ever. But the campus and surrounding areas is really cool and it all blends together, making the campus/atmosphere seem much larger than it really is (which is huge already).
It kind of makes me wish I went to a university with more of a tradition. I kinda wish I hadn’t been such a spoiled, privileged brat that just HAD to go to UCF because oh I don’t know, instead of like, U Miami or UF or even FSU. I don’t know why, but I distinctly remember being like “I JUST CANT GO TO UF OR FSU BECAUSE THEYRE PARTY SCHOOLS AND I DONT WANT TO BE PARTYING.” I later learned that all schools are party schools.
Anyway, I don’t regret my decision, and I do remember really liking UCF when I toured and stuff. And the History Dept faculty has been really great to me and supportive and cornerstones of my education blah blah blah.
On the racism issue…reading 1920s microfilm and 1920s articles and 1920s everything, it occurred to me that our stance on racism (and in a way, sexism) haven’t changed much. We are literally fighting some of the same battles and using some of the same stereotypes, whether there is any anecdotal evidence for them or if they’re entirely fictional.
That’s lame. Why do I always pick these depressing thesis topics? (My undergrad one was about the history of the swastika and its use in the post WW2 world).
Applying for Smithsonian jobs.
Cannot believe I’m qualified for some of these amazing positions.
This is mostly whining, of course. Yes, I know I’m privileged enough to be going to grad school and blah blah blah. I know and I understand.
What I don’t understand is how no matter how much work I do, it’s still a mess. Thee the sources I find just add the the confusion- now what do I do with these 300+ newspaper clippings? Might I also add that I still have 8 years of papers to sort though?
It’s Spring Break. Now, grad students don’t really get a break. Thesis students don’t really really get a break. I just wanted to do one thing for FUN. I’m so burnt out and one day off can really help. I didn’t get any day off. In fact, I’ve spent every night up until 2 am working. With the exception of one night, where I went to a bar and spent most of the night staring at the walls.
I know I have to finish, and this thesis is the last thing standing between me and living life- doing stuff, working a real job, having time to travel- everything I want. I already feel like I’m going to have to move my graduation date back AGAIN and I jsut want to be done. It’s hard enough when half my friends are DOING all that great shit and my thesis hangs around my ankle like a fucking weight.
So how do you even motivate to finish when every day is miserable?