Storm of Lindsey's Bane: Pearls and Death Metal

I could go on a theoretical rant about the perceived need for gendered pens.  PENS. 

But, I’ll leave you with these.  The  reviews are hilarious.  Feminism to the rescue!

”I must say I’m really disappointed that we gave women the power to write. Lately they’ve been thinking they can do things like vote, get jobs, and speak their minds! As if their opinions are worth as much as their husbands’ or something. Quite frankly, I miss the days when the women were at home knitting and cooking and raising the children—not writing. This pen is only aggravating a harmful situation that we ourselves brought upon our society.”

”**Ode to Bic** (((((double curtseys with a half turn and a giggle)))))

My meatloaf recipes
were dull and sage
now your glitter
lifts them off the page!

My menstral journal
was penciled gray
Now pink sparkles
chart the days!

Oh my butterfly doodles
were boring and stark
Now my I’s are dotted
with little pink hearts!

Thank you dear Bic
for the sea foam and peach
as I write a potential suitor
a note at the beach!”

“I am a female AP and Multivariable Calculus teacher and I prefer to use ink when solving problems. I guess, not surprisingly, these pens cannot be used to do math problems more complicated than 5th grade level. When trying to find a derivative or definite integral, the ball point simply stopped working” 

“I purchased a set of Bic LadyPens for one of my wives (the one who knows how to write), using my own funds. (This should not come as a surprise, as women should not be allowed to come into contact with currency; their menstrual cycles will curse it and make it lose value, much as these cycles will cause wine to sour.) However, I found that, when given these pens, she began writing more frequently and more fervently. Soon, she was corresponding with other women (via the Postal Service, which, unbeknownst to me, now also accepts pieces of mail from women). Gradually, more and more radical ideas entered her mind. Sure, it started with her asking for simple things like a mortar and pestle (until now, my wives had ground spices with their knuckles), but before I knew it she was demanding to be shod! I blame the pens - clearly they were the catalyst for her awakening! I am currently away on business (I will be delivering an address to a large convention in Tampa this week), and I am honestly quite vexed about the state of my homestead upon returning!”

I found one of these in my husband’s shirt pockets and another one in his car! We are divorcing now. Thanks Bic for ruining my marriage.

This teacher is magical.